Its Farewell party

My colleagues farewell…well good byes are tough. SPL when there is no hope after that…for a meeting. But changes are good.
My colleague leaving today and its mixed feeling. Good for her and sad for us. So it’s always mixed. For some things are good and on the other hand bad for some. To spend time with someone you really want to is SPL. I often wonder why we met and get close to someone. We know some where at some stage of life they gonna leave us..but by knowing the fact we get indulge. I think that’s relationship. We all need bonds some love some care.. No matter short or long we need happiness by presence of people we like ..we love.. That’s life.. That’s what the purpose of our lives… Well tears rolling out when I think that the desk of her gonna be empty for few days and next one gonna come to sit… Can I the same bond with next one…? Or may be more strong ??
Ah!!  I had lots of good memories with her.. I always  wish a good and bright future fir her
Bless ya.

You should Marry??

Marriage …. Its part of life, but is it necessary? yes, of course , but if you love someone. What if you do not?

I need to get married as soon as possible.i want to yes i want to. yes, its high time to settle down in your life. its time to be with someone, live with someone and spend your days and night in someone arms. rather sleep and get up alone.

i am ready for this, but only with HER. i can think about marriage when its HER. i feel excited about marriage when its HER. every dream seems reality when i see it with HER. Life and its small small happiness looks excited when i think of living with HER. Home looks like a family when i think of making it with HER. Each moment i imagine HER as my wife, by heart i already accepted  HER 16 years back. its just i need to say in front of whole word that SHE is my wife. I imagine everything about HER with every passing second. I am ready to make a knot with HER for forever. I want to live rest of life with HER and wanna grow old with HER. Wanna wake up with HER smile, wanna close my eyes at night by capturing HER face. Wanna make HER the luckiest girl by giving HER all that happiness which i can give. Everything which i can do make HER love and Happy. I LOVE HER like a mad.

BUT

the reality of my life ..I can not marry to HER.

To be continue….

Her Birthday !!

Its her, yes its her birthday. Missing her alot we used to celebrate it together, but she is not here with me this time.

Sent her flower cake and a cute card, hope she will like it. I wish her all the luck and happiness of the world. Her recovery her safety.

May God give her smile she deserve and every love she need,

Happy Birthday Love!!

bday-2

Its chilling December- Saturday 14th , 2013

It was another Saturday evening. I called her around 4 Pm and said get ready in evening i will take you out for a fine romantic dinner. Excitement, yes a lot of, because it was much awaited day. She seemed happy asked me for which dress i should wear, which cuisine we will order. which restaurant we will be going. I smiled and said, wear whatever you like, because you will look great in any, cuisine is your fav. one and restaurant of course city’s best.

I came back from office, as always she was ready and waiting for me. i entered, her eyes, her smile i just love it, she was looking at me, i was looking at her. we hugged each other like a mad, don’t know what was in the moment, but we met like we haven’t met from past months. but to my wonder it was just 8 hrs. She said let’s go i said lets wait, and make some love. She said, Are you mad? am ready lets go. At night we will have a wonderful and amazing time, will make you mad, will eat you like a wild cat. o my my … you are making me more excited, i said. Don’t know why but i didn’t want to leave, i want to make love to her. wanted to hold her in my arms. But who can win , we moved out. It was chilling. We opt two wheeler, because it was more romantic ( she says) i never let he drive that, but she said i want to drive today, i said no its chilling, i will and let me, she said you just sit behind and hold me …… i will feel your warmth. I agreed. We were going on the road, singing songs, laughing, talking , happy happy and happy , of course excitement was much more about night. It was singing a song for her ( you know am her fav. singer) oops traffic lights, we stopped so as my song, we started again song + drive.

It was 7:30Pam, We moved half km from traffic lights, suddenly “An accident”. a rash full speed car hit us. we fell. Car driver ran off. It was not that hard, not that deadly. i saw her falling on road.  i couldn’t understand what just happened. i gave her my hand on road toward her face, so that it would not hurt, i never had this idea that in those 10 second my life is going to be change. Oh God ! i stood up, and searched what happened to her, are you okay kid? where else you are injured? talk to me, her scream, i can never forget that, never ever.  Her high heels were smashed into road. Her jacket was torn. Our scooter was on the other side, Blood on face, nose, lips, she was screaming with pain but i couldn’t see where else she got hurt, then she said my leg guggu my leg…my leg hurting, my leg isn’t working help me…. when i saw her leg, her knee was on right side, i got scared, what just happened?

A deep breath and i said nothing happened you are fine, i cleaned her blood from all over her face and said hey kid look at me you are fine, you gonna be okay. all is okay. she was crying like hell, and keep on saying my leg , its not working , yelling like i could never forget. its was of 5 minutes. i took her to hospital with the help of people around. 10 minutes of distance from hospital was like miles. she was in my arm crying, her leg was so hurt. We manged to reach hospital, got first aid, i called up few of my friends to come. i didn’t notice what happened to me, i forgot about me, she was on stretcher looked at me and said are you okay? are you hurt? i said no kid, am fine, am absolute fine. i was not actually nor physically neither mentally.

They admitted her, I thought actually we thought its just a fracture. But doctors was thinking bit different they said go for X-Ray and then we will let you know, it was so damn hurting to see her on stretcher in hospital, her face, her condition, but thank to God she is talking to me, Its hopefully a minor fracture. X- Ray didn’t say anything Doctors said MRI would be the next option. because she was not able to move her leg, her foot was working but having severe pain in leg she could not able to move an inch. This gave me a bad intuition. I go to doc and asked what happened? Doctor said, its something critical than a normal fracture. WHAT?? what critical? what does that mean? Her leg is fine or not? tell me clear, i asked him. He said after MRI we can say exactly. and that was unpleasant word from doc. I came back to her , she asked what doctor said, i said kid, it just a fracture, you got internal injury. so need MRI that’s all nothing major.

i knew its time to inform her parents, i called them and said about all but said nothing major if they want to see her they can tomorrow but she is fine. I asked my friend lets go to city’s best hospital, it was 11Pm. i said, i just want to go a best one so that she will be fine soon, she was having an impression that something is going which is hidden from her, she keep on asking me tell me clear what happened, somehow i manage to conceive her, that its nothing major, but it was. As the time passed, her pain grew, it was not tolerable now, within 1 hour her condition became worst, we were waiting for formalities to make for moving next hospital. but she was not able to bear a second of that pain. it was 2 and half hours of battle ( i hate Gov.t system). Her leg was totally swelled, and she was giving up with pain.

Finally , other hospital’s ambulance arrived. It was around 1:30 Am. it was one of that one  moment i can’t forget, when she was moved to other ambulance, it was hell, because at that time her leg was damn hurt she couldn’t even tolerate. i was holding her and giving her courage not to give up. We reached another hospital doc arrived and took her for treatment. X- Ray, reports, injections, i do not know what….but i could only hear her screams outside, she was crying like hell. after few minutes doc came to cabin i was on reception for other formalities so my friend called in to cabin. he was talking to doc. When he came out her face was saying a lot of things, i asked him what doc said.

“its a very complicate case, very critical, we need a surgery that would be major, her case is very critical and crucial . not sure whether her leg will respond or not. she needs to admit asap. Everything is broken inside, her ligaments teared , her bones are crashed inside, its only a flesh outside which saved her leg from being apart from her body, other that nothing is there in her knee”

This was the moment that broke me, i had tear in my eyes, and asked only one thing, will she be able to walk? i don’t know rest. tell me clear, doc said, not originally, as natural but they will try 100%. And hopefully everything will be okay. i came out from hospital and looked up over sky and asked God why?? i cried because i knew its a beginning of a kind of end. But then there was no choice, i took my all courage and came back in. She was given some kind of medicine to numb her deadly pain. I go to her and said, look kid, we need to admit here, there will be a small surgery for your ligaments. after few days we will be free to go and you will be fine. She is a lawyer and well know who is speaking truth and who is not. but may be she wanted to hear it from me that’s why she believed me and asked ” All okay?” promise there is nothing major? i will be fine? You are not lying…right? i said you trust me na, then trust me you will Okay really soon. i knew i am the only one  she relay i have to be strong enough. it was killing me inside whatever doc said, but well. i can do anything for her.

It was 2:30 AM,It was room no. 101. we went in. Drip on her hand, knee support on her leg, dressing on her face. To see her on patient bed in that blue dress was not a part of our night, we both looked at each other but none of us was crying we smiled and said let’s cuddle.

To be continue…

Feeling void

If you are there for me always, now where are you when i am feeling “void”

Difference between saying and doing is much equivalent of sleeping and waking. Yes i told you everything that i am feeling unsatisfied from you….now what ?

Are you doing something for that, or will you? I don’t think so, because you have image in your mind that i will never leave you or nothing will happen … but you are wrong, dont push me away from you. you are doing it and you will pay for it someday. I will tell you this but your act of ignorance will lead you there.

Unsatisfied mind and heart worst to deal with..

Do not yell on me without knowing my story

She called, yes for fight of course, i already know what she gonna say, she would have so many things to fight on, argue , but i was quiet i listened to her and then i just said one thing, “Never yell on me without knowing my story”

I am in a bad situation, i am in a big trouble, can you please hold your anger for few minutes and listen to me. I could call you to end up all the things we are fighting for, you know my nature but i knew if i call you will through everything on me to clear on your part.Which is not right at the moment. So stop it. If you can’t understand me then atleast stay away to handle me in my way.

I never want to shout on her, but she force me to do that because all she know is Prove herself right.

Personal And Professional

Its bit difficult to manage the things when you have something in you mind which is bothering you.

I am sitting in my office but my mind isn’t here, I realized m in not actually present here. But yet working, taking meeting, everything.

Is it called professionalism may be yes. but difficult to manage both things sometimes. Actually its making me more strong to see that i can actually manage, i can work while i am in office without fearing what gonna happened in the end of the day, wired thoughts n things gonna hunt me but i am fine as long as i am working

Thank you GOD for this.